Ready or not, it's almost time for me to re-enter the world. Yesterday at chemo I learned that this would be my last round, which means that I have only 2 treatments left, the last one being on March 25th. I thought I had two rounds left (two rounds of three weeks with one week off in between), but Dr. Sun decided that wouldn't be necessary. The standard protocol for my situation is to treat with 4 months of chemo, and I've already reached that. Any treatment beyond that is considered 'extra insurance', so by the time I'm done I'll have had 5 months total. He even suggested that I could finish treatment yesterday, but I told him that I wasn't ready for that.
After my last dose I'll have a CAT scan, and if that comes back clean I won't go back to visit for 3 months. If there is any indication of disease from the scan, we'll decide what to do at that point. I know that I can never be certain, but I feel like this first scan will turn out fine. I just think that if there are any cancerous cells in my body, they are hiding from the chemo, not growing. It's anybodies guess what will happen down the road, and if I'm to be totally honest I have to admit that I'm terrified of stopping treatment. But I'm also excited about the semi-instant gratifications (ie. hair, weight, energy, looking like a girl instead of a boy) that come with a chemo-free life. I do have a thing or two up my sleeve that I'm not ready to talk about yet, but they are in the works for my post-cancer life.
Anyway, I'm trying to just stay in the moment and roll with whatever happens my way. I've managed to work it out so far, and (kind of like everyone else) I can't control what's in store for me in five minutes let alone 5 years. So as much as is my natural instinct to plan and stress, I'm doing my damnedest not to.
Last week was my off week, which was perfect because I had a lot going on. On Friday I went over to Ashley's for Taconelli's (the best pizza in Philly) and I got to meet some new Fishtowners, which is always great. On Saturday was Abby's wedding shower, see below-
After my last dose I'll have a CAT scan, and if that comes back clean I won't go back to visit for 3 months. If there is any indication of disease from the scan, we'll decide what to do at that point. I know that I can never be certain, but I feel like this first scan will turn out fine. I just think that if there are any cancerous cells in my body, they are hiding from the chemo, not growing. It's anybodies guess what will happen down the road, and if I'm to be totally honest I have to admit that I'm terrified of stopping treatment. But I'm also excited about the semi-instant gratifications (ie. hair, weight, energy, looking like a girl instead of a boy) that come with a chemo-free life. I do have a thing or two up my sleeve that I'm not ready to talk about yet, but they are in the works for my post-cancer life.
Anyway, I'm trying to just stay in the moment and roll with whatever happens my way. I've managed to work it out so far, and (kind of like everyone else) I can't control what's in store for me in five minutes let alone 5 years. So as much as is my natural instinct to plan and stress, I'm doing my damnedest not to.
Last week was my off week, which was perfect because I had a lot going on. On Friday I went over to Ashley's for Taconelli's (the best pizza in Philly) and I got to meet some new Fishtowners, which is always great. On Saturday was Abby's wedding shower, see below-
I felt like being a brunette that day. Saturday night I went out with Kiley and some of her friends. We saw a band at The Church and then went out for a drink-
I'm kind of digging the blonde, what do you think? On Sunday Roxy and I drove to North Jersey for Meg's wedding shower-
Guess which one I am? No, I'm kidding I'm not in this one!It was a long but fun weekend, and now I'm back on the final regimen, and exhausted. Talk soon- E.
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5 comments:
Do you think you will still switch up your daytime/night time looks with different wigs even after your hair grows back?
you look so fab. and 'stuck' is never a word I'd use to describe getting to spend time with you! I can't wait for us to raid Ikea. sooo happy to read your post. xoxoxoxo
Axl,
Up next to each other, im really lovin the blonde. Did someone comment on my blog today?? There was an 'ugh' in there which made me a bit suspicious. Hearts.
I freakin love the hairdos!!!! I'm kinda envious!! Makes me wish I would have gone with the wig route!! I guess it's not too late...where did you find those...seriously I want to know so I can go look for myself!!!! I totally understand your fears...I am going through them daily!!! But your mentality is right on...none of us know what can happen in the future so why stress (too much) about it!!! Keep on kickin ass!!
Much love, Jen
I love the hair!!! :) You are a stylish little lady! And SO busy! Miss you E, and cannot wait to see you Monday!! :) love, Lyd
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