and the award goes to..

Well, me. I mean to say that they literally gave me an award to commemorate the end of chemo. All I want to know is- where can I get this thing certified? Whoever is in charge of this crazy ride better be paying attention and take note of the fact that I passed this shitty course with flying colors- I even have the gold friggin stars to prove it- and I'm not really interested in taking a repeat. No summer sessions, no fall term- graduated and changing careers and leaving the state if I have to. Over it.

In other news, see sexy Ativan eyes below... This is me after a 4 hour chemo fest/blood transfusion and I'm just waking up but still all wonked out from the Ativan cocktail. If you ever see these eyes in person just do me a favor, smile and nod. Do not think that I will remember a single second of anything I say/promise/agree to because I am not at home. In fact I do remember yesterday somewhere in this haze that I had formed a new plan- I was going to write to Angelina Jolie and see if I could join forces with her and help starving babies all over Africa. This was literally my plan of action that sounded so lucid and right on, I was going to make it HAPPEN. Tomorrow. Forget the fact that I have two dogs, a brand new house, kind of had a rough two years myself, and oh- it's insane.

Anywho, now I'm back to reality and actually feeling pretty crappy. Kind of a constant sense of- ugh I want to puke, but I'm not going to. It'll pass and I just keep telling myself that it's the last time I have to feel this way. I'm trying to be Buddha about it and embrace it and sit with it so that next week I'll feel that much better having paid attention to what I went through. Buddha and drugs will see me through this..

Yesterday was actually kind of amazing in that all day long I received emails, phone calls, text messages, posts on this site, all from people who love me and are pulling for me. I found it incredibly moving, every half hour or hour I had another reminder that I am well loved and am not in this alone. So, thank you. So much.

Now I have to go and put my game face on.. I'm meeting with the central AC guy at 11 and the siding guy at 1115. Im going to start working on house things this week. Maybe I'll even buy a camera so I can start documenting this process and stop being that weird creepy girl taking pictures of all the neighbors houses with her cell phone...