sunshine and happiness

I want this dress to be mine and for me to be wearing it in the sunshine. And if my hair was long like hers and my backyard looked like this I would be fine with that too.

Life has been crazy for me, but in a good way. I have so much that is new and exciting to report, but I won't be able to get into details yet because there really isn't time! Tomorrow Ashley and I are leaving for a trip to LA, and I haven't even packed yet. I'll be home again on Monday morning only to leave again on Wednesday for Jamaica. And then Abby's wedding is the following weekend. Also, the house is 'supposed' to be ready soon. It will be a busy few weeks for me, but I'm so happy to be traveling to warm and sunny places. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures.

I'm slowly getting my strength back from the chemo. My eyelashes are growing in quickly (they're short little stubs now) and my eyebrows have started, though I still need to draw them on every day, or they kind of look like I have a 5 o'clock shadow over my eyes. It's really weird and freaky looking. But every day there's more and more, so I'm just kind of hanging in there.

I'm going to try and sleep now so I can get about a zillion things done tomorrow before my flight.

xx

AND, breathe...

Today I got the news that I have been waiting to hear- the results of the CAT scan came back clean. This means there is "No Evidence of Disease" in my body, or NED. I really kind of hate the word NED and always imagine someone fairly unattractive when I hear it (sorry if that's your name), but today I'M Ned, and couldn't be happier.

Dr. Sun told me that I'm a 'true cancer survivor".. I think he means like a warrior I've been dealt some of the worst blows and I just keep coming back fighting. Never underestimate us tiny guys.. small but mighty! They do (of course) want me to gain weight, which I'm trying hard to do. I've gained two pounds since chemo ended, and will continue to gain slowly I'm sure. Last summer I had gained all of my weight back by the end of August. I have about 15 more pounds to gain, how long does that normally take? I have no idea.

Anyway I'm so glad that this scan came back clean; I told the nurses that were taking my blood that it better come back clean because I'm too busy to deal with this shit anymore. Cancer is very time consuming, and I have a lot going on. No time for this nonsense.

But today I have time..I'm sitting in my backyard listening to my neighbors fight about going out too much, and lots of F bombs are being dropped and doors are being slammed, and I'm just glad that's not my life. My dogs are sleeping in the sun and I'm thanking whoever for being able to be here today. Tonight, I shall celebrate.

I heart the rest of Philly too

Even though Northern Liberties is considered a different neighborhood, it feels like an extension of Fishtown and I love it like it's my own hood. This morning (er, early afternoon) me Boss and Charlie went for a cafe ole at Canvas Coffeeshop on Girard and then to the dogpark on Oriana and Poplar. The boys love this park, and as soon as we start driving down 4th they know where we're going and get all worked up. I love this park too because the dogs are always so good, the people are chill, and there's lots of benches to sit in the sun and read or zone out while the boys run around and wear themselves out.

This is what the park looks like before all the dogs come and it gets crazy. Today there was a 3 legged Pitbull and a Chihuahua/Jack Russell mix that was blind in one eye and kept spinning in circles so he could get a full view of the situation. Hilarious.

It's so relaxing here, especially when the sun is shining and I have a good magazine or book, that I end up sitting for hours without really realizing it. And my dogs are so good, it makes me proud to be their mama because they get along with all the dogs and never cause problems. Everyone is always surprised by Charlie and how he likes to get right in with the big dogs and play. He also likes to defend Boss if any dogs seem like they're getting too personal. He's a good big brother.

Boss, on the other hand, doesn't pay any attention to either of us when we're at the park. He likes to collect as many balls as possible and then lay in the dirt and possessively lick them and breath hard.

Yesterday Abby, Briana, Danielle and I met up for some shopping in Old City and I actually found 2 dresses at Sugarcube for the upcoming weddings. And neither one needs to be altered, and they are both made for women, not small children. Yeay! I actually can't wait to wear them and am so happy that I was able to find something that not only fit, but is so pretty. I'll post pics in May. Later Abby and I watched watched the pilot episode of Twin Peaks. I netflixed it months ago but the series just came out so we watched the first one and ate popcorn that Abby made with butter, rosemary, Parmesan and pepper. Delicious. The show is pretty bizarre and funny and creepy at the same time. I remember my mom loving it back in the day (1990) when it was on the air.

This song also reminds me of my mom. I remember her singing it around the house growing up, and it's definitely in my top 10, if not top 5.

i heart fishtown

On Thursday I went to my first yoga class since my surgery in October. It felt amazing and I'm so glad that I finally went back. I had been wanting to go for months but was just scared that I wasn't ready or that I was going to hurt myself. I bought a yoga DVD several months ago, with the intention of practicing at home until I was ready to take classes again, but this was when I was still on chemo and my body was SO not ready. I hurt myself and was in pain for over a week and didn't try again.

But now that I'm getting stronger I knew it was time to go back. I also needed something to help relax me since I'm not doing acupuncture anymore. The studio I went to is called Angler Movement Arts Center and is in Fishtown. And since it was so warm outside I rode my bike, which was hilarious and I kind of wish someone was with me to see me swerving all over the road and laughing at myself. But I made it there and home and on Friday I was sore but in a good way. And I'm happier on the inside, which is what matters. The class was full of other dirty hippy Fishtowners, so I felt right at home. I definitely smelled an armpit or two, and maybe some 'essential oils'. The teacher was great, and was really careful with me since I previously explained about having surgery on my abdomen.

Anyway, it was a good night for me, and I felt really at peace riding home in my neighborhood. You can see things in an entirely different way when you're on your bike versus driving in a car. But I still don't think I'll be taking my bike anywhere outside of the neighborhood anytime soon. I need to work on a few fundamentals first!

Here's another picture of a random Fishtown street that I found while walking the boys-

It's going to be 75 today, and I'm going shopping in Old City with Abby and Briana. I'm on a mission to find a dress that fits for the upcoming weddings. This probably means checking out the children's section of our local Gap, but I'm not giving in yet.

chill out

This weekend Abby's closest friends threw her a bachelorette party at the beach. It was totally Abby-style; completely laid back and low key. It was the most un-bachelorette-like bachelorette party I have ever been to...no strippers or penis straws or awkward games. Instead we sat around and talked and had drinks and laughed a lot. It was beautiful all day Saturday and we spent hours outside. Keri and Danielle did some pretty intense yoga while everyone else lazily sat around and watched. Later in the day we had a masseuse come out to the house to give everyone massages and then made a huge dinner. Sunday we did a little shopping before heading home. All in all pretty perfect.

bride-to-be

Abby had stamps made with our names on them. Pretty much the best present ever.

Keri, Danielle, and Charlie do yoga in the morning.

mid-morning snack

girls

Charlie gets his hair did

me, Heather, Keri, Danielle, Briana, Abby

new beginnings

The new loves of my life: basil, lavender, and rosemary:

I know right now it just looks like dirt, but I like to think of them as little baby incubators. It's the perfect environment for new life- sun and warm and dirt and water and LOVE!

I feel like a mother hen, checking on them first thing every morning and throughout the day. I don't know what I'm going to do while I'm at the beach this weekend for Abby's bachelorette party. It's will be my first night away from these babes...

Look really closely around the top left corner you can see the first shoot of basil! This picture is about a week old, I actually have about 20 shoots now.

Ive had such a brown thumb all of my life that it makes me beyond happy to to see things grow under my care. We'll see if I can keep these babies alive but right now they keep getting bigger every day!

I got my 3 hairs cut this week. Actually, I have way more than 3. My hair is so bizarre, it's still falling out but growing in at the same time. Whitney cut it super short and choppy and it actually helps to hide the parts that don't have quite as much hair. We were talking about it and it looks like I probably lost about 25% of my hair, which isn't that bad all things considered. I lost about 75% of my eyebrows and eyelashes though, compared to last chemo where I lost almost all of my hair but hardly any on my eyes. So weird. Anyway, I can tell that it's slowing down though, there is less and less hair on my pillow in the morning. I still feel a little nauseous but hopefully that will start to ebb soon. Since it's been cut I've actually been wearing it without a scarf or wig, even though it makes me self conscious. I'm just so SICK of having something on my head all the time. I was feeling pretty bad about it today, but then I was at Target and in comes a woman who was as bald as Mr. Clean and didn't have it covered up at all. I'm so glad I saw her, it helped me to get things back into perspective. I wanted to give her a hug.

We are heading to Avalon tonight and are spending the weekend at Jed's parents house. I would let you know what we have planned, but just in case Abby reads this before we leave I don't want to give anything away. But what I can say is that, it's going to be a totally relaxing weekend with good friends and good food and good wine and exactly what is needed right now.

Happy Friday.

what's so funny?

Today is my first official non-chemo Tuesday. I'm a little (or a lot) freaked out by everything, and trying not to think too much about it. Which, for me is practically impossible considering that I over analyze which deodorant to buy, but I'm trying. They are going to scan me in a few weeks to make sure the chemo was successful, and I think once I have that behind me I'll be able to relax a tiny bit. But in the meantime I'm pretty sure that I have fingernail, brain, and/or ear cancer..

Since I'm obviously trying not to be dramatic about the situation, I thought it might help me to watch some funny movies. I would say television too, but I don't really think sitcoms are that funny- I tend to think they're dumb. I do have a recommendation to watch a British comedy called Absolutely Fabulous, so that's on my list, but can anyone else recommend some funny movies for me to netflix? Also, I don't love to watch movies twice and I've seen most of the common "funny" ones (Borat, Dumb and Dumber, Napoleon Dynamite, yada yada) so any ideas on less popular movies?

This weekend Abby and Jed had an ice cream party. They made 4 different kinds of ice cream, their own hot fudge, caramel, and whipped cream. I brought Guinness and we made ice cream floats. It was delicious. I have a new camera now, thanks to an amazing, and tall (amazingly tall) chemo elf, and we decided to take action shots with it. This is our series called 'jump'-

This is Abby. She is excited about her new dress and cute tights.

This is Jon. He's excited because he just turned 30 and people are still throwing him ice cream parties.

This is me and Abby. We're excited about pretty much everything. I know we aren't in the air, but I blame that on Jon and his camera skills. We jumped and hi- fived, but he caught us on the way down.

This is the song Ive been listening to all day. It's probably not new, but it's the first time I heard it and I really like it. Kanye West and Chris Martin: