this is my Dad... I love this picture.This weekend I went to visit my father in the country. He's a photographer, and the above is of him, playing in the woods with his trees and his camera. You can check out his beautiful website right here. On Sunday Jess + boys (all 3) came to visit and that was just FANTASTIC since I haven't seen those guys since Christmas. It was such a good day, I swear I could just sit and stare at those babies and watch them grow. They are the most entertaining little beings in the world. Although I think I'm bordering on becoming Crazy Aunt Erin... at one point I realized I was hugging Xander so hard and telling him over and over in his little baby ear how much I loved him, that it was probably freaking him out. Either that or I physically damaged his tiny three year old body from all that squeezing. Ugh, I don't know I just love them so much that I never want to let go. Anyway, I'll put pics up soon.. I'm waiting to have them emailed from Jess.
On Saturday afternoon, Dad and I went to the reception of a gallery opening of a local photographer that he knows. The photographs were beautiful and there were a ton of people out to support him. Everyone was drinking wine and eating and talking. I love being in situations like that because you can overhear the most amazing conversations, and as everyone knows I love, love, love a good scoop. I can't help it, people are so strange and the way they think can be so different from the way I think.. I just love to get these little snippets on their lives and then try to figure out what makes them tick. It's like people watching- another of my favorite hobbies.
So, I overhear this woman talking about how she's trying to quit smoking and it's so hard, etc. etc. She then goes on to say that her father died from cancer and she knows she should quit but blah blah blah. Someone asked her if she was afraid that if she didn't quit she would get sick like her father. She said-I am NOTHING like him, he just sat around all the time and didn't watch what he ate and never exercised and I'm a mover- always on the move! I couldn't believe what I was overhearing; in essence, she was blaming her father for getting cancer and at the same time proclaiming how even though she purposefully inhales known carcinogens into her lungs every single day she wasn't going to share the same fate as her father because she was a 'mover'.
At first I was pissed and had to just walk away. People with cancer really are so stereotyped. Unless it's leukemia, it's like people automatically assume that you somehow brought it on yourself. That in some way you 'didn't take care of yourself' enough and because of that you caught cancer. And therefore it's really all your fault.
But really, I've thought about this all weekend long and the whole way home today, and it doesn't even make me mad anymore. It's a defense mechanism. People are scared of things that are not within their control, and cancer is one of the biggest not-in-control things that you can have happen to you. So, to ease that fear, they try to rationalize it and how it won't happen to them by basically blaming the people who did get sick for something that they were doing wrong. That, of course, these people do NOT do. I mean, think about it, people say this kind of stuff all the time. 'Oh, well yes but she did such and such, or didn't do this and that, or really should have xyz'd more'. Shit, if that was the case every single person who doesn't have access to an all-organic diet and stress free yogi life would be dead and gone from stage IV self inflicted cancer ten years ago!
It really doesn't make me mad.. I think it's so interesting to be able to hear this from an inside/outside perspective. She had no idea I was listening or that I was sick or even who I was. I sometimes feel like everything that is said around me is subconsciously edited because of my cancer, so in a way I liked that I could hear something so clearly un-thoughtout com out of her mouth. It also makes me realize the ability of human beings to self protect in such a way that you don't even realize you're doing it. We are tricky creatures.
Anyway, enough out of me for tonight. I guess I'm trying to get it all out since I have chemo again tomorrow. Boo on that.
Oh, does anyone know how to add music to this blog? I would love to be able to add a song to my posts, something to go with my mood. Like my own personal theme music! Help?
On Saturday afternoon, Dad and I went to the reception of a gallery opening of a local photographer that he knows. The photographs were beautiful and there were a ton of people out to support him. Everyone was drinking wine and eating and talking. I love being in situations like that because you can overhear the most amazing conversations, and as everyone knows I love, love, love a good scoop. I can't help it, people are so strange and the way they think can be so different from the way I think.. I just love to get these little snippets on their lives and then try to figure out what makes them tick. It's like people watching- another of my favorite hobbies.
So, I overhear this woman talking about how she's trying to quit smoking and it's so hard, etc. etc. She then goes on to say that her father died from cancer and she knows she should quit but blah blah blah. Someone asked her if she was afraid that if she didn't quit she would get sick like her father. She said-I am NOTHING like him, he just sat around all the time and didn't watch what he ate and never exercised and I'm a mover- always on the move! I couldn't believe what I was overhearing; in essence, she was blaming her father for getting cancer and at the same time proclaiming how even though she purposefully inhales known carcinogens into her lungs every single day she wasn't going to share the same fate as her father because she was a 'mover'.
At first I was pissed and had to just walk away. People with cancer really are so stereotyped. Unless it's leukemia, it's like people automatically assume that you somehow brought it on yourself. That in some way you 'didn't take care of yourself' enough and because of that you caught cancer. And therefore it's really all your fault.
But really, I've thought about this all weekend long and the whole way home today, and it doesn't even make me mad anymore. It's a defense mechanism. People are scared of things that are not within their control, and cancer is one of the biggest not-in-control things that you can have happen to you. So, to ease that fear, they try to rationalize it and how it won't happen to them by basically blaming the people who did get sick for something that they were doing wrong. That, of course, these people do NOT do. I mean, think about it, people say this kind of stuff all the time. 'Oh, well yes but she did such and such, or didn't do this and that, or really should have xyz'd more'. Shit, if that was the case every single person who doesn't have access to an all-organic diet and stress free yogi life would be dead and gone from stage IV self inflicted cancer ten years ago!
It really doesn't make me mad.. I think it's so interesting to be able to hear this from an inside/outside perspective. She had no idea I was listening or that I was sick or even who I was. I sometimes feel like everything that is said around me is subconsciously edited because of my cancer, so in a way I liked that I could hear something so clearly un-thoughtout com out of her mouth. It also makes me realize the ability of human beings to self protect in such a way that you don't even realize you're doing it. We are tricky creatures.
Anyway, enough out of me for tonight. I guess I'm trying to get it all out since I have chemo again tomorrow. Boo on that.
Oh, does anyone know how to add music to this blog? I would love to be able to add a song to my posts, something to go with my mood. Like my own personal theme music! Help?
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6 comments:
Right on...I completely agree with everything that you said!!! I was one of those people (in a not-so-similiar way) when I first became diagnosed. I completel blamed myself because of my poor eating habits. But then I realized that there are people who eat terrible and have never been diagnosed and there are people that eat very healthy who do become diagnosed!! No one knows what the exact cause is...yes, there are risk factors, but nothing concrete!! Maybe one day people will understand that!!! Well, I hope chemo isn't too bad!! Come on May!!! Take care you!!!
Jen W.
This post is one of the many reasons I love you. You, little one, are a blessing. Hope today goes well, I know Abby will take good care of you!
xo
Kiley
Strangely, that is the exact song I have on the ringtone for my phone ring now - good to talk to you today, the whole house thing is really exciting! Love u mucho
Maybe you should turn your love for a good scoop into a career in investigating reporting. or become a private eye! With all of your different wigs, you could be incognito all the time. YES!! I love you.
hi erin,glad to hear your trip to pitt was a good one.aren< jessies babies just the best? heard that the two of you had a wonderful vaca.it is always good to get away and to be with someone you love so dearly is the best of the best. so,i hear the house is really cool. the best thing about fix ups is you can do it your way.so glad to hear your upbet today,lol wendy
hi erin as you can see i am not to good on the computer.let me see if i can type my name again.if not i am now known as anonymoue. i guess that could be a good thing sometimes.lolwendy
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